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    雙語:對孩子大聲嚷嚷會造成什么后果?

    2018-09-14 13:57

    來源:紐約時報

    作者:

      The use of spanking to discipline children has been in decline for 50 years. But yelling? Almost everybody still yells at their kids sometimes, even the parents who know it doesn’t work. Yelling may be the most widespread parental stupidity around today.

      50年來,用打屁股的方式來管教孩子的現象越來越少。但大喊大叫呢?幾乎所有人還是會不時地對孩子們嚷嚷,即使是那些知道這么做沒用的父母。吼叫可能是當今為人父母者最不明智的行為。

      Households with regular shouting incidents tend to have children with lower self-esteem and higher rates of depression. A 2014 study in The Journal of Child Development demonstrated that yelling produces results similar to physical punishment in children: increased levels of anxiety, stress and depression along with an increase in behavioral problems.

      在經常大喊大叫的家庭,子女的自尊心往往較弱,抑郁的比例更高。2014年發表在《兒童發育雜志》(Journal of Child Development)上的一項研究表明,沖著孩子大喊大叫會產生類似于體罰的后果:焦慮、壓力和抑郁程度增加,行為問題也隨之增加。

      How many times in your parenting life have you thought to yourself, after yelling at your kids, “Well, that was a good decision...”?

      在你為人父母的經歷中,你有多少次在對孩子嚷嚷后想過“嗯,這么做對不對”?

      It doesn’t make you look authoritative. It makes you look out of control to your kids. It makes you look weak. And you’re yelling, let’s be honest, because you are weak. Yelling, even more than spanking, is the response of a person who doesn’t know what else to do.

      嚷嚷無助于你樹立權威。這只會讓孩子覺得你失控。讓你看起來軟弱無能。實話說吧,你之所以大喊大叫就是因為你沒轍。嚷嚷甚于打屁股,是父母不知道還能怎么辦的反應。

      But most parents — myself included — find it hard to imagine how to get through the day without yelling. The new research on yelling presents parents with twin problems: What do I do instead? And how do I stop?

      但大多數家長——包括我自己在內,發現不用嚷嚷就能度過一天真的很難。關于喊叫的最新研究向父母提出了兩個問題:我應該怎么做?要怎么改掉這個習慣?

      Yelling to stop your kids from running into traffic is not what we’re talking about here. We’re talking about yelling as a form of correction. Yelling for correction is ineffective as a tool and merely imprints the habit of yelling onto the children. We yell at our kids over the same stuff every day, and we yell at them some more because the original yelling doesn’t work. Put your clothes away. Come down for dinner. Don’t ride the dog. Stop hitting your brother.

      我們在這里討論的,不是你大聲喊叫提醒孩子小心汽車。我們說的是把吼叫作為一種糾正方式。作為一種工具,糾正性的大喊大叫是沒有效果的,不過是對孩子習慣性的嚷嚷而已。我們每天會因為同樣的事情對子女叫喊,而且由于覺得沒有效果,還要越叫越兇。把衣服放好!下來吃飯!不要騎在狗身上!別老打你弟弟!

      The mere knowledge that yelling is bad, in itself, won’t help, said Alan Kazdin, a professor of psychology and child psychiatry at Yale. Yelling is not a strategy, it’s a release.

      耶魯大學的心理學和兒童精神病學教授艾倫·卡茲丁(Alan Kazdin)說,僅僅知道大喊大叫本身不好是沒有用的。它其實并非一種管教孩子的策略,而是你自己的一種發泄手段。

      “If the goal of the parent is catharsis, I want to get this out of my system and show you how mad I am, well, yelling is probably perfect,” Dr. Kazdin said. “If the goal here is to change something in the child or develop a positive habit in the child, yelling is not the way to do that.” There are other strategies, and they don’t involve screaming like a maniac.

      “如果父母的目的是宣泄,我想消消氣,并且向你表明我有多生氣,好吧,大喊大叫可能是完美的,”卡茲丁說?!叭绻繕耸歉淖兒⒆拥哪承┓矫?,或者在孩子身上培養一種積極的習慣,那么大喊大叫可就行不通了?!边€有其他的策略,無需你像瘋子一樣喊叫。

      Many think of positivity as a form of laziness, as if parents who are positive aren’t disciplining their children. But not yelling requires advance planning and discipline for the parents, which yelling doesn’t.

      很多人認為,積極正面其實是一種懶惰的表現形式,就好像那些積極正面的父母根本不會管孩子。但不許嚷嚷需要父母有提前的規劃和紀律,而嚷嚷則不然。

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